Paradigm

Do you ever think about giving up?

Does Death seem like an option?

Do you ever think that you are not good enough?

Do you feel sometimes that you are just a waste of space?

Well, if you haven’t; good for you. There are times when I just want to throw the towel in or throw in the towel, I mean why do we fight so much, why do we struggle to live? Then I remember the food I haven’t eaten and restaurants round the world I’d like to try out. Don’t judge me, the thought of a delicious warm meal gives me hope that tomorrow can be better.

It is different for every one, as insignificant as it might seem; there’s always something that draws you back from the edge.

It could be family, love, movies, novels, friends, anything at all. Something to remind you of the good times. Emotions are fickle and tend to exaggerate how a situation is so don’t trust it. When you have an intense emotion to do something, just chill and don’t; it will pass and with a clear head; you can make a decision.

Don’t underestimate the power of good people and surrounding yourself with positive energy, the people you ‘hang’ with can make your situation better or worse.

Don’t think that your thoughts, emotions and feelings don’t count or your worries aren’t serious enough, you matter and so they do.

It has been a rough few months,
To give myself a pat in the head;I think i did pretty well considering. I learned a few things about life.

Few things to note about me, let’s just say growing up, I haven’t been lucky enough to meet a lot of good hearted people so along the line, I generally had low expectations when it comes to people hence I tend to rely mostly on myself and God, mostly God cause you know there’s not really much I can do except use my dark sense of humour to make sense out of life, and to be honest i think my sense of humor is lit ?legit? bang?? Or whatever the youngsters say these days.

First, I had to live without a phone for nearly three weeks (humbling experience that one), I was admitted in the hospital for the first time in my life( now I’ve lost the bragging rights for this at home and now the last born is the present champion #eye roll). My Laptop decided to show me who the boss is, I can tell you it failed cos I sold it for scraps; Who is the boss now? #grins maniacally.

These and some other private things happened to me but for some reason I wasn’t depressed or sad which surprised me hence the self given pat on the head. I had people call me through my small “chinco” phone, by the way, when it rings; I am certain it can raise people from the dead but I put it on silence cause I don’t want to have to share the glory with Jesus.

Back to the lessons I learnt.

  1. There is peace in ignorance. When I was disconnected from the world, I was basically uninformed about the happenings in the world and that gave me a certain peace that I can’t exactly express. Sometimes, for your peace of mind, it is okay not to know everything, you can put on a veil in your sometimes.
  2. I am not exactly what you would call nice and by watching the lives of three people around me that I have not exactly met in real life; I have learnt how to be kinder, I learnt how to give without expecting anything in return (although I like to hear a thank you now and then) from a dear friend, I also understood the power of sacrifice from another friend, although my circle is small; I am surrounded with amazing people and that is a blessing I don’t take for granted even though I call them animal names sometimes.
  3. Blessings can come from the most unexpected places, I know I don’t deserve certain things and yet I have them; I try to rationalize certain actions most of the time but now I just got with the flow and stop questioning actions except for with my siblings (I can’t afford to put down my defenses).
  4. Sometimes, things have to get worse to get better, growth comes by learning and you can learn from anywhere and anyone. Don’t ever put people down, it is just dumb except you are Ironman. Don’t judge a book by its cover, I saw a book one time, amazing cover, great colour and all, sweet title; Boy oh boy- Content is Zero! So really; get to know people before you come to a conclusion about them.
  5. I have come to the understanding that God loves me and I might not be deserving of that love or have come to that stage where I can boldly say I love him too but I am working on it. One sided relationship sucks big time.
  6. Lastly, I have learnt that every action you make can cause a chain reaction, good or bad… It is up to you. Be kind to others, be generous, Love yourself, Strive to be better.

Be good, be kind with your words.